| Say you are taking a shot and you accidentally nudge the
cue ball. Your male opponent laughs condescendingly and encourages
you to move the ball back into position and try your shot
again. This insidious practice, this bending of rules in the
favor of female players, these lasses' rules are to
be steadfastly avoided by the wily female player.
It is even worth going completely over the top in matters
of honour. For example, there is nothing in the official rules
that says you must call every kiss and carom that your ball
makes on its way to the hole. Yet, handing over the table
to your opponent on such grounds will place you way out of
reach of would-be critics and slanderers. No respectable pool
player wants to be a charity case and no girl should allow
even a suggestion of lasses' rules to soil her reputation.
Rule 3: Get hold of a copy of the official rules of pool,
stick to them like glue. Indulge in unnecessary displays of
honour and sportsmanship.
Once you 've got your public image in hand, you should not
hesitate to take any opportunity for cheap advantage that
suggests itself. And we're not short of a few suggestions
to start you off:
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unscrew
|
Unscrew
This one's only for if your opponent has his own fancy
two-piece cue. He'll generally put it down to break with
one of the house cues, or to go to the toilet or the bar.
All you do is loosen it up a bit to make his cue a bit
wobbly. Works like a charm. |
|
tickle
|
Tickle
Balls aren't quite where you want them? What if his ball
was closer to the cushion rather than right over the hole?
This one takes some judgment and is better when your opponent
is a bit drunk but, done skillfully, it can be as subtle
and graceful as an arsenic-tainted meringue. |
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born-again
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Born-again
Ah, the born-again. This is one of the most satisfying
moves in the game. It has to be done on a crowded table
near the start of the game. Your opponent pots a ball
and you scoop it into your sleeve and plop it back onto
the table somewhere out of his peripheral vision. Sounds
clumsy and impossible but it is astoundingly successful.
Of course, it works only on tables that give you the balls
back (not the coin-operated kind). |
|
rub-off
|
Rub-off
This old favourite requires only that your opponent
puts his cue down for a moment. With a deft brush of the
thumb, you wipe of the chalk and polish the end, leaving
it nice and slippery. Advanced users recommend applying
a bit of grease from whatever nasty bar food you happen
to be eating. |
Rule 4: The revolution will not be televised.
Therefore, whatever you can do behind your opponent's back
to improve your chances of winning will ultimately increase
your esteem as a player and may even accelerate the development
of actual skills. You owe it to your oppressed sisters to
cheat with abandon whenever possible.
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