Mister Schoneboom once took the winning shot in a shuffleboard contest when he was only ten years old, at a summer vacation resort with his family as witnesses. His partner was a complete stranger. Until that last moment Schoneboom had been a real drag on the team's chances.
Once, in Amherst, Massachusetts, he was accused of stealing some sunglasses when he hadn't done it. He was forced to endure the indignity of a thorough personal search, but he didn't really mind. Schoneboom had recently stolen so many other pairs, he was willing to concede he was probably giving off that shoplifter vibe.
Proudest accomplishment? Good at memorizing. He can quote you a lot of Bugs Bunny lines. I mean, a LOT of Bugs Bunny lines. You know what I'm saying?
The following features bear John's insidious imprint: