All Bonkworld Features

Found you 85 Bonkworld features on which to feast your sense organs:

• 76 Trombones Revisited by John Schoneboom
  I mean, can you remember the second verse?
• A Christmas Family Stankpool by John Schoneboom
  A holiday tale to blacken the heart
• A Man of Forty by John Schoneboom
  "Not bad...almost as good as new!"
• Adventures in Bonkworld by John Schoneboom
  An early excerpt from the perpetually unfinished novel, featuring Admiral Fontoon and his continuing quest to get out of bed.
• Andy Pop Stories by John and Abby Schoneboom
  The story that's never the same story twice!
• Angst Among the Whores by John Schoneboom
  One fine night in Nairobi...
• Apopalypse Now by John Schoneboom
  Bitter war story from an unpopped balloon.
• Battle for the Moral Highground: Pool Customs Around the World by John Schoneboom
  Yet another foray into the seamy world of bars and billiards, this time comparing international senses of honor in the United States, England, and Botswana.
• Best Salesman in the World! by Abby Schoneboom
  You don't buy this because it's cheap, you buy it because it's good!
• Busy Mr. Stupid by John and Abby Schoneboom
  A very busy man does some very stupid things.
• Count Dracula's Journal by John Schoneboom
  With any luck this will actually be an actual book one day, but here's a few installments to whet your appetite for now. It's Bram Stoker's famous story, told in comic fashion from Dracula's point of view.
• Cross Examination by John Schoneboom
  As timely as yesterday's Michael Jackson headlines...
• Dirty Prospecting by Abby Schoneboom
  The heart-rending tale of one woman's elusive search for a marketable, filthy domain name that nobody else has grabbed yet. Caution: This one really is quite filthy.
• Doctor Schoneboom on the Campus by John Baker
  In which author John Baker carves out a new theatrical genre and his own immortal niche within it.
• Dr. Bollocks' Guide to Impressive Sex by Dr. Anthony Bollocks
  Special correspondent Dr. Anthony Bollocks offers his scientific insights on unseemly topics.
• Dreaming of Sri Chinmoy by John Schoneboom
  So, there's this dream I have, and I wish it would go away...
• Dreams of Jimmy Bannon by John Schoneboom
  Jimmy Bannon is back, and this time he's a character in a one-act play. Winner of the Massachusetts Cultural Council 2001 Fellowship Award for playwriting (yes, really).
• Dubya's Deftness Debatable by John Schoneboom
  A little Flash fun at the expense of the embarrassing poo-brain George W. Bush.
• Extracts from Mrs Poppycock's Diary, Part II by Aunty Mary
  I says, bleeding hell I would've been better serviced by that nice young man down at the Building Society.
• Extracts from Mrs. Poppycock's Diary by Aunty Mary
  I says to our Regina, she's an arsehole, you'll never need ten rolls of paper for that room.
• Falling Short by John and Abby Schoneboom
  The second in the Bonkworld series of performance billiard poetry sees John go down in five pathos-laden games to his arch rival.
• Geordie Mike and the X-Ray Eye by John Schoneboom
  Wherever you gan you're sure to find a Geordie...
• Girl Magic by DJ Johnny Zero
  It's the dreamy and bewitching Jeannie and Samantha dance craze that is sweeping the nation!
• Greetings from Fee Waybill by John Schoneboom
  Fee says hello to Dave Meuser in his own special way.
• How Posh Is Posh Spice? A Guide for the Foreign Visitor by Abby Schoneboom
  From the Bonkworld Lecture Series, the discerning observer's guide to such unerring class indicators as jaw tension and the Price-Commodity Reflex.
• Howon Howay by Jonathan
  Jonathan Baker digs deep into Grandad's songbook and pulls out this instant classic, brought to you by the magic of international phone lines and assorted recording devices.
• In Ozz We Trust by John Schoneboom
  You do understand that Ozzy is God, don't you?
• Insult People in Cantonese by John Schoneboom
  Learn to speak like an evil kung fu master!
• John's World of Freethrows by John Schoneboom
  A great new game with enormous time-wasting potential. Come on. Enter my world.
• Magic Telly's Holiday Peep Show by John and Abby Schoneboom
  Peculiar and nefarious movie clips from obscure spots round the world
• Magic Telly's Relaxing Holiday by Abby Schoneboom
  Magic telly flees to a Dutch island to live wholesomely.
• Magic Telly's Teatime Treats by John and Abby Schoneboom
  It's back! See where Magic Telly has been!
• Man in Perspective by John Schoneboom
  From the Bonkworld Lecture Series, a quasi-earnest bit of musing on time, space, and bipedalism. Includes the Early Man Quiz!
• Meat Gizmo's Babe Tenderizer: The Game by Meat Gizmo and John Schoneboom
  Test your skills with this Flash-based game, and watch out for the Offensive Zone!
• More Poetry of Meat Gizmo by Meat Gizmo
  More meaty stylings from the Gizmaster
• Near Employment Experience by John Schoneboom
  A man confronts the spectre of his own employment
• On Bathroom Lighting by Abby Schoneboom
  You may be ugly, but you're not that ugly.
• On Vacation Time by Abby Schoneboom
  The Protestants have given us two things. We'll keep the condoms.
• One-Page Play: The Beginning, Middle, and End of Rico by John Schoneboom
  A tip of the hat to ol' Edward G. Robinson
• One-Page Play: The Last Caper by John Schoneboom
  Billy and Clyde face eternity in 60 seconds as they try to pull off one last, doomed heist.
• Pool for Girls by Abby Schoneboom
  Acquire the confidence to cheat and win.
• Prize Chumps: A 4-Minute Play by John Schoneboom
  A couple of nut jobs solve the big case.
• Project Skive by Abby Schoneboom
  A dangerous new study of creative time-wasting and the English Worker
• Real Dream Journal by John Schoneboom
  Real dreams...written down...
• Schoneboom Family Pinochle by John Schoneboom
  It's new and improved!
• Sheep Suicide by John Schoneboom
  When the sheep hits the wall. It happens.
• Sock Puppet Theater Presents: Garbage by John and Abby Schoneboom
  A tawdry melodrama featuring an abusive sock puppet relationship.
• South American Designer Potatoes by Roman Krznaric
  The banned masterpiece by exiled guest contributor Roman Krznaric.
• Spend the Federal Budget! by John Schoneboom
  Go on a $622 billion spending spree! Whoopee! The People are speaking!
• Spiderman Meets Bonkworld by John Schoneboom
  Spiderman lives in our neighborhood, and we reckon that makes us pretty cool.
• Spontaneous Combustion by John Schoneboom
  Plays for people (and writers) with short attention spans
• Sports Fan Steps Up by John Schoneboom
  In a big Game Seven situation, Lakers fan John Schoneboom steps up when the team needs him most.
• SquishHead Butterfly by Abby Schoneboom
  A violent yet peaceful video installation art masterpiece.
• Tentacle Head by DJ Johnny Zero
  DJ Johnny Zero strikes again with a song of dread from the deep
• The Amazing Days Alive Calculator by John and Abby Schoneboom
  New and improved! Find out exactly how many days you've been alive!
• The Amazing Dostoevsky Machine by Abby Schoneboom
  New and improved! Keep those character names straight by replacing things like Antononovich Ilyaskovilitsky Carbonelovov, aka Dunya, aka Antonechka, but not to be confused with Antononovitch Ilyaskelemnokov Carbontetrahedron, with easy, consistent names like "Timmy." Fun for the whole family!
• The Arrival of Potato Salad in Australia in the 1950s by Roman Krznaric
  The definitive answer to the potato salad question.
• The Bad Stick by John Schoneboom
  Can a pool cue be evil? Yes. Naughty, evil pool cue.
• The Baudelaire 7000 Poetry Machine by John Schoneboom
  Not all randomly generated poetry is created equal.
• The Big Boy's Obsession with Banal Space Facts Machine by John Schoneboom
  I'm telling you, these Big Boy's Space Facts are going to blow your mind.
• The Bonkworld Lecture Series by John and Abby Schoneboom
  With a real podium and everything!
• The Brewery by John Schoneboom
  Fighting children is a tricky business.
• The Bullet Train by Abby Schoneboom
  Cars are sooooo twentieth century. Get hip to the new way to travel. Fast, fabulous, and cheap.
• The Comeback by John and Abby Schoneboom
  The first installment of the Bonkworld performance billiard poetry series.
• The Death of Paperclip Man by John Schoneboom
  At times, it seems Paperclip Man is my most faithful friend. And that's just one of the reasons he must die.
• The Dream of Stickyman by John Schoneboom
  He's a superhero; he's just not very strong. A sticky excerpt from "Snooze Alarm," the Bonkworld novel.
• The Duel by John Schoneboom
  A five-minute 17th century gender ambiguity action farce
• The Eleventh by John Schoneboom
  Every day is September 11 for Jack Pendleton
• The Geordie Chronicles by Jonathan
  Tragically hilarious tales of crushed dreams and perpetual aspirations. Giiiiive me an N and an E and a Wubble You See...
• The Grumpy Giant by Aunty Mary
  Yes, even giants have bad days...
• The Incomprehensible Sportswriting of Jimmy Bannon by John Schoneboom
  Breslin, Mailer, and their ilk couldn't carry this man's Olivetti. If you can figure out what he's on about, call the office.
• The Last Caper by John Schoneboom
  Don't do it: It's the golden rule of crime!
• The Lighthouse at Wossafocken Point by John Schoneboom
  Ahhh, I love lighthouses...
• The Poetry of Meat Gizmo by Meat Gizmo
  We dragged him out of the pool hall and beat him with flank steaks until he emitted poetry.
• The Race to One Thousand by John and Abby Schoneboom
  The nineball fixation gets serious.
• The Sausage and the City by Abby Schoneboom
  At the heart of the existential novel...the sausage! Who knew?
• The Utilitarian HTML De-Crappifier Machine by John Schoneboom
  With apologies for actual usefulness: this thing eats Microsoft Word's putrid HTML, digests it, and regurgitates clean code. Like a dream for web designers forced to make a page from a Word document!
• Total Eclipse of the Sun by John Schoneboom
  I was there! I was there! I was there!
• Vampiro, or, The Limits of Dogs by John Schoneboom
  He was Romanian. He was drunk. He told this story.
• What Is Bonkworld? by
  What's all this about bonking?
• Why We Lost by John Schoneboom
  An all-purpose explanation that can be adapted for use wherever excuses are called for.
• With and Without: The World Trade Center by John Schoneboom
  A few views from inside the city, with and without the WTC.
• World Trade Center Flash Animation by John and Abby Schoneboom
  We actually made the newspapers and national television for this one...in Mexico!
• Your Inner Pool Shark, Part I: The Mental Game by John and Abby Schoneboom
  A pamphlet on the value of contempt, and important aesthetic considerations, such as smoking, drinking, and brawling.
• Your Inner Pool Shark, Part II: The Perfect Rules by John and Abby Schoneboom
  With this pamphlet in your back pocket and a willingness to hurl things and flee, you can face any opponent with a devious confidence.

9 February 2010: "It's the next day!"
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