One-Page Play: The Last Caper

BILLY and CLYDE are huddled in a corner, holding guns.

BILLY

I can't believe I let you talk me into a last caper.

CLYDE

It seemed like such a sure thing.

BILLY

Yeah. The last heist always seems like a sure thing. This is so classic it's sad. And you know what happens next.

CLYDE

We get shot by the police.

BILLY

Yep. Shot by the police. It's how these things always end.

CLYDE

Sorry man.

BILLY

No, it's OK. I really should have known better. Listen, we've pulled probably fifty jobs together over the years and now we've probably got about thirty seconds to live. Tell me something: Do you love me?

CLYDE

You mean, like, are we really truly blood brother from the heart care about each other friends or just like "heist friends"?

BILLY

Yeah. And don't bullshit me now. We're facing the great void here now. The ultimate destination. We got to face it clear. Truth, man. Truth.

CLYDE

OK. OK. This is hard, man. We're heist buddies, yo. Strictly business. I'd sell you out for a nickel to save my own ass if I could. That's the bottom line. That's the truth.

BILLY

Thank you. I'd sell you out too, motherfucker.

(They hug.)

CLYDE

Welp. I suppose it's time we made our break for it.

BILLY

One last time.

(They exit running, guns drawn.)