The Race to One Thousand
| Abby | John |
|---|---|
| 64 | 77 |
The race to one thousand nineball victories began on or about May 6, 2006 and is expected to take forever. The most recent match was held on March 7, 2009, and the overall score is currently 77-64 in favor of John.
| Displaying matches from June 6, 2006 through March 7, 2009 | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Date | Abby | John | Venue | Commentary |
| March 7, 2009 | 4 | 3 | Master Billiards, Sunnyside | The moment Abby heard that John had been diagnosed by emergency doctors as having Central Serous Retinopathy (an eye problem resulting in dim, blurry, warped vision), she quickly offered to resume the Race to One Thousand that very day. Disregarding doctor's warnings, John agreed to the test. Groping blindly about and falling into an 0-3 hole, John was nevertheless eventually able to calibrate and tie the match at 3 before falling in the rubber game. He then collapsed and has had his head completely wrapped in bandages ever since. |
| March 4, 2009 | 5 | 5 | Master Billiards, Sunnyside | Having run the score up to a 5-2 advantage, John seemed to remember that it was his birthday and that it would be ungracious to trample others on his special day. Thus he relented and allowed a 3-game run to tie the score. Either that, or his attention simply drifted to thoughts of cake and ice cream, and Abby was able to seize the opportunity. |
| January 11, 2009 | 3 | 2 | Master Billiards, Sunnyside | Shooting for the first time with his new progressive lens glasses at trusty old table 24, John suffered from what he called "optical distortion" during the match, marring an otherwise fine effort by Abby in gaining a 3-2 edge and chipping away ever so slightly at John's overall commanding lead. |
| January 4, 2009 | 2 | 4 | Master Billiards, Sunnyside | The "nice run" gambit was used with ruthlessness this evening by an opponent hellbent on greedy victory. What's more, we had a jumpy little fellow with us, who played the hand of god in the last game -- if he put the yellow back on the table, you had to sink it, even if you were already down to the money shot. It was a fast-paced nervy little game, of the type that rewards the pointy-faced monomaniac. Unsurprisingly, the more likable player falls foul to this sort of evening, what with all the gladhanding that has to be done on a return to the pool hall after a long absence. However, the race to 1000 has been resumed! |
| January 20, 2007 | 0 | 0 | none | Well, as you may have noticed, these little missives have been conspicuously missing over the past few months. I'm here -- at great risk to myself -- to tell you that it isn't because we haven't been playing. It's because certain persons, who I cannot name at this point in time, but who have been slowly but surely losing the race to one thousand, have been claiming that the games "don't count" because her sense of balance is off due to pregnancy. Well, a bit of a belly doesn't seem to have hurt Minnesota Fats, that's what I say. Loser talk is what some would call it. Luh-hoo-suh-her talk. Take it for what it's worth, but don't say you heard it from me. |
| August 1, 2006 | 4 | 5 | Master Billiards (table 16) | We like to play at Master Billiards because it's a real family atmosphere. Why, at the table just next to us, two kids, aged about 5 and 8 respectively, were playing with their dad, who spent most of the match giving them sound fatherly advice about the game, such as "Never lower the bet, kid, never. Always raise the bet. Otherwise you look weak." The 5 year old turned to his brother and said "300 dollars." I tell you, it was heart warming. In any case, this match came down to the last 9 ball shot, which wiped its feet on the baize before finally dropping to give John the victory by the thinnest of margins. |
| June 29, 2006 | 2 | 5 | Master Billiards, Table 16, house cues | A quiet night in the billiard room. Too quiet. Abby was trying out some complex and subtle pool techniques of the kind that don't bring instant results and take years to master. John played his usual pedestrian game and came out on top in a flashy short-term sort of way. The house pros nodded sagely and approvingly as Abby left the building. When John left, they smirked and muttered "room champion." |
| June 22, 2006 | 7 | 6 | Master Billiards, Table 13 | Well, I'll be expected to blame the stick. I used Abby's supposedly defective 'mushrooming tip' appurtenance that has been so much maligned in these pages. Hogwash, naturally. I went down to an early 2-0 hole and shrugged it off, roaring back to take a 4-2 lead and what turned out to be a chimeric 5-4 victory, followed by a chimeric 6-4 victory, only to go down in the end by the score of 7-6 as the race was extended yet again. With lovesick amateurs gabbling around us and world-class straight pool man Barouty maintaining a quiet presence in the background, not to mention the insipid elevator music the house chose to blare, any number of factors could be pointed to for this evening's failures without resorting to superstition. Me, I'd say it was that blasted stick. |
| June 8, 2006 | 3 | 5 | Master Billiards, Table 28 (sticky carpet) | John is what they call room champion material. Your more sensitive players -- Abby, for example -- they have something special. Star quality, you might call it. But your room champion, well, see, he's got his smalltime tricks, his lucky breaks, his crowdpleasing finishes, but no staying power, nothing runs deep. It takes a lot of games for the difference to show, but just remember: room champion. John. Room champion. |
| June 6, 2006 | 5 | 10 | Master Billiards, Table 18 | Table 18 is what they call in billiards a shite table -- pockets like matured hams, cushions like rubbery wellingtons. And what with Abby's mushrooming manufacturer's tip, she didn't stand a chance. It's house cues from now on and no funny business. |
[Comments (8)]