John Schoneboom is often asked by a particular six-year-old boy to provide quiz questions to relieve the monotony of a metro ride. As a result, Schoneboom studies, Schoneboom knows things. Alpha Centauri? 4.2 lightyears. And it's three stars, not one.
He once bought a hamster for use in a theatrical production and kept it thereafter as a pet; he never meant for it to die. He had no idea how much you had to pay attention to their water supply.
He's sincerely apologetic about having ever hurt anyone's feelings, ever. If he had that to do over again, whatever it was, he'd be certain to go about it less stupidly and with a good deal more kindness.
The following features bear John's insidious imprint: